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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0271972/

SPOILERS: Yes, this is one of those Spider movies that is somewhere between laughable and pathetic. Chris Potter, who used to be (KUNG-FU) Caine’s dumb-as-a-brick son is here as the leader of the expedition. The Professor is a Spaniard with a thick accent and macho stereotypical attitudes. Considering that this movie is from Spain, you would think that the Spaniards would not depict their own kind as buffoonish clods and ill-mannered brutes. But the Professor’s assistant-girlfriend has that abused look, and the various Expedition’s Thugs hit on her and treat her as if she were some kind of concubine and not a scientist also. The pilot is played by ALEX Reid, a woman who lets everyone know she does not want to be their bunk-buddy on several occasions. What is wrong with this movie in terms of the characters is that everyone comes on really strong. It seems unlikely that a bunch of people who had never met would be so fresh and disrespectful to each other. Additionally, I would think that a bunch of people who crash their plane on an island full of mutated spiders might be thinking about survival and not just about sex. The characters who are not sex-hounds are the ones who are constantly snapping and criticizing others, so perhaps there is a message?? The chief scientist is Capri, and this guy is a perfect DON KNOTTS! Aside from stumbling into various killer spiders and surviving by pure luck (like Don Knotts in those old 1960s comedies-Ghost and Mr. Chicken); at last his luck runs out, and he is in a rapture as a giant spider seems to mount him from behind! The next time we see Capri, he is in a web coccoon (made of cotton, like all the webbing in this movie) and he is in ecstacy as he tells everyone that he is carrying the Giant Spider’s LOAD of spider eggs. As his engorged gut moves and heaves, he is given morphine so he won’t feel any pain when the spiders rip his guts open at birth. From there the survivors run down various paths filled with cotton swaths and run into a tunnel where another Giant Spider has another giant load of eggs and is gestating them or something similarly impossible. There, Chris Potter and ALEX fight it out with the spider, and eventually the spider is killed. What happened to the other spiders and the millions of babies is not addressed, and of course the venom cure they went looking for was never found, and the movie is even dumber than it sounds. The fact that Chris Potter is constantly trying to be a "big brother" to ALEX who keeps blowing him off is almost as funny as the fact that none of them can even hug or shake hands at the end of the movie when they have survived this terrible ordeal. It looked like they could hardly wait to run off the set and go home and take a bath. This was a cast of characters that truly did not have any chemistry at any level, and they reminded me of the underpaid staff at any typical Discount Pharmacy.

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